How do you stay in love for 35 years?

They were a couple for more than 35 years: Guido Maria Kretschmer and Frank Mutters. And they still shine like the first day. How do you love so long? A couples counselor has the answers.

35 years! Phew. When I first researched how long Guido Maria Kretschmer and Frank Mutters are a couple, I thought it was a few years ago. After all, I had just watched Guido casually mention his husband during an interview – and inevitably started to smile. Also, in photos and appearances on the red carpet, the two clearly look newly in love. But in fact: they have been a couple for more than 35 years, registered partnership since 2012, and married in 2018.

How does it work? Long-term, maybe even lifelong relationships are becoming increasingly rare in our society. Whether it’s their fast pace or the advent of online dating, the reasons can be varied. But much more interesting is how such obstacles can be overcome. Because yes, they exist, people who live happily and love together even after years. And no, it doesn’t just need air and love. We got this from a couples counselor Eric Hegmann we learned from what we wanted to know about how eternal love can still be found these days.

A couples counselor reveals the 3 ingredients of eternal love

Mr. Hegmann, does the concept of “eternal love” still work?

“I am an optimist and I say yes. The desire for a happy relationship that lasts a lifetime is greater today than ever. People marry for love, and conversely, we are convinced that who loves, can marry. This new concept is clearly a ruin in implementation, because we don’t have much experience with it. Just 100 years ago, a relationship based on rational reasoning was common. Women had to marry, love was less a reason than an existential need. Today, people want one or another Right with which they live passion for a lifetime. Because now and our life expectancy is significantly longer, couples are facing challenges they didn’t have before. For example, active leisure time together, more imaginative and satisfying sexuality into old age are newer topics than many believe, so experimentation and testing are part of the concept of “eternal love”.

Disneyifying love is very difficult, I think.

Why do some couples succeed and others don’t?

“Relationships are primarily threatened by changes. They can affect partners from the outside or from the inside. In a stable relationship, partners trust that change cannot tear them apart. As the experience of the relationship increases, partners become more secure when they experience that they have created common values ​​and achieved goals .This creates trust and ultimately optimism.Without this attitude, at some point the energy and effort will no longer be invested in the partnership.

What keeps couples together and what ultimately defines a healthy relationship is the thought: “We’ve mastered it all, so we’ll master what’s to come – together.”

Marriages fail not because of love, but because of a lack of friendship – Friedrich Nietzsche

As for the quote just mentioned, what does eternal love have to do with friendship?

“For me, a healthy relationship is characterized by deep friendship between partners. “Marry your best friend!” at first sight” that they know from movies and TV shows, and what I call “liberation of love” and I find. very difficult. In a survey conducted last year, ElitePartner asked couples about this, and a third confirmed that they had a Nori relationship, just like in the movie. Couples with more life and relationship experience see it differently. When I talk to happy couples about deep friendships for happy relationships, they nod and affirm to each other how good it would be for them, most importantly, to be friends with each other.

It is also very important, especially in the later phases of the relationship, that the partners, in addition to common values, also set common goals…

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