For the series #Howareusus? tell people what they think at the moment – personally, sometimes contradictory and controversial. rbb | 24 wants to provide insights into different worlds of thought and document perspectives without evaluating and classifying them. They do not reflect the views of the editors.

Vera is 17 years old and lives in Prenzlauer Berg, Berlin. She turned out to be gay four years ago. Today, she describes herself as a transsexual. When the Corona pandemic broke out, Vera spent a lot of time thinking about herself. Little by little, Vera said, she felt what she wanted and missed.

Casually, I told my mom on the couch that I wanted to be Vera, not Christoph. I felt good, and my family never made a big deal out of it. There were no negative experiences either in the circle of friends or at school. Unfortunately, I still have them in public spaces and with strangers.

You learn to build a wall for yourself relatively quickly. However, some experiences are shocking. In Alexander Square, a stranger once slapped me in the face and shouted “fucking trany.” I have also been tracked home more than once. I have made many complaints to the police. It never had any effect like fines. But something like that is still important, if only for statistics. Attacks on short-lived, bizarre or homosexual people about which the public knows nothing are, unfortunately, too frequent.

I would describe my environment as diverse. I have always been who I am now, and I have never hidden myself. I was always attracted to the people who attracted me. This is how I formed a circle of friends with people who are very important to me and who think like me.

I got a lot of support from them, as well as a lot from my parents when I felt bad or didn’t know what to do. It was a long way before I was able to drink hormones. In addition to the psychological and psychiatric report, I also had many discussions with the endocrinologist [Die Endokrinologie befasst sich mit Hormonen und hormonproduzierenden Organen, Anm.d.Red.]. But in the end, it’s good that the process takes longer, because, for example, if a person with a dysmorphic disorder of the body feels transgender, improper treatment can lead to serious side effects such as depression. [Eine körperdysmorphe Störung ist gekennzeichnet durch eine übermäßige Beschäftigung mit einem eingebildeten Mangel oder einer befürchteten Entstellung der äußeren Erscheinung, Anm.d.Red.]

I really want to ever have a sex reassignment operation. I actually like my face as it is. But the hormones I use alone will change something, like facial features. I just take the time and watch what happens.

I feel like I’m on the right track. But I know other transgender people who doubt: What if I’m wrong? And what if I thought differently a few years later? On the other hand, I am sure I am doing the right thing and I am clearly committed.

Interview minutes: Matthias Bartsch, rbb88.8